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Writer's pictureMolly Shaffer

Good Intentions are Not Always Good


Something I've learned the hard way is I can be right about something and still be wrong. I can be a world wide expert on unicorns, man I wish I was, but if I deliver my facts without love, then by default I am wrong. Information void of kindness, even if it is a tough truth, is bitterness to the soul. So, how can we, as flawed human beings living a broken world, make sure our good intentions are in fact good?

One of the ways I have been able to figure out an answer to that conundrum is to check my motives. Why am I giving advice, or information, in the first place? Is it because it was asked for? Is it because I long to be right or hear myself speak? If my motive is nothing short of arrogance, I am in the wrong. Wisdom is knowing when to hold your tongue, when to listen, and when to act. Nine times out of ten, the person baring their soul to you does not want advice. They want a sounding board to figure out the problem on their own. So, before I delve into advice, I should ask the other person what the intention of our conversation is: advice or just to vent. If it is for advice, then I can speak into that person's problem, BUT, and that's a big but, if it isn't, I need to close my mouth and open my ears.

In the end, my good intentions are often flawed. I have a different outlook on life than anyone else has, because my life is unique to me. How I solve a problem may be entirely opposite to how you do. What matters is how we learn to handle people's hearts. If someone deems you a safe place to confide, cherish that, but be careful not to become a forever counselor. Make sure to not get stuck in the role of problem solver. It can be tempting, but for your sanity, and the growth of the individual, be a good friend, but set clear boundaries. And when you do these things, your good intentions will in fact be good.


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