For most of my life, I buried anything that brought me pain and discomfort, refusing to deal with the issues. Being numb worked, until it didn't. Three years ago, I began the process of cultivating myself, uprooting the weeds I had buried, and facing the problems I had refused to see. Wow! Let me tell you how painful the process was... umm, painful.
Layer by layer, I peeled back my fortresses of protection to reveal the vulnerable truth--I was not okay. People began to notice I wasn't my normal peepy self, and many didn't like the woman who remained. Fortunately, I did. The woman who remained was authentic, determined, kind, merciful, but not an actor. Not an amusing piece of entertainment meant to make others forget their pain.
Most of my life I was a hypocrite. I wore many masks, so much so that I struggled identifying with who I was. After the laborious work, I have grown to love who I am. A woman of integrity. Fearless... for the most part... unless you are a shark or a stranger in the dark. Ethical. Generous. Broken BUT redeemed.
Today, I have a saying. I did not invent it, but I own it. You can't go around your problems. You can't climb over the issues. You can't dig under them, either. The best way through a problem is just that... you've got to go through them.