This past weekend was a huge turning point for me as a Christian woman. I went to a woman's event at my church, Cultivate, and Lysa Terkeurst spoke about trusting God while we live between two gardens: the original Garden of Eden and the soon to be redeemed Garden of Eden. My heart swelled. Yes. I can be a bold woman. I can chase my God-sized dreams. I am a lioness. I am the storm. But then... my thunder became more of a clap, and my lightning waned to an obnoxious twinkle. The storm fell at my feet, and all of that power I felt dissipated.
This morning I woke up tired. I read my Bible, got ready for work, and felt the anxiousness spread throughout my body like a virus. I attempted to push it deep within myself. I began to work despite the buzzing in my veins. I thirsted for relief but refused to take a sip of the living water. I can handle this. I lied to myself. This isn't anything new. Truth. Then, the spiral began to descend around me. My air became restricted. My head pounded under the pressure. And yet... I still tried to labor in vain. I can make this better. I think I can... I think I can...
What I needed to do, what I'm doing right now, is turn to God. I needed to cast my burdens at the foot of the cross. I needed to worship despite the storm. I needed to stop attempting to ignore these overwhelming feelings. I needed my Father's embrace, but I still refused to lift my eyes up. It took lunch with my husband to remind me of the solution to my anxious struggles, or perhaps I was just hangry. That happens often.
So, as I type these words, I'm listening to Tenth Avenue North. I'm breathing in God's strength, His truth, and His courage. I will take another shakey step forward because I'm not alone. I walk hand in hand with the God of the universe. He holds me up when my knees threaten to buckle beneath the stress of daily living. I exhale my fears and inhale His promises. I will get through this day, this moment, this next second because He will not forsake me. He is bigger than the Boogeyman and bigger than my fears. He is the storm. He is the lion of Judah. And I rest safely in His capable arms.