I still remember the first rejection I received on the first novel I ever wrote. It was 2006, and I had written a sweet little book called GG: The Diary of a Space Case, which has long since been shelved and rewritten. When I first completed the manuscript, I thought THIS IS IT. My life will forever change. I am going to be the next J.K. Rowling. Let's just say I was a bit naive and delusional, and I knew absolutely nothing about the writing industry. All I knew was that I had written a book, an entire book, with words and everything, and I was going to get it published.
So, I did what any natural dreamer does... or delusional one, that is. I sent the book overseas to J.K. Rowling's agent. No joke. The funny thing is that I totally thought I had it in the bag. The agent would open the book, read the first line, and send me a contract right away. Little did I know, sending a full manuscript, or in my case, an actual book I had self-published, was not the proper way to do business in the book world. There are rules to follow, queries to write, synopsis to create, and a whole lot of waiting and rejection. Loads of rejection. So many rejection letters that you could wallpaper your office with them, if you were a masochist, that is.
I remember waiting over two months to hear back from J.K. Rowling's agent. It was my sliver of hope in a dire time of my life. My then husband and I had just separated, and he had filed for divorce. I was losing my home, filing bankruptcy, oh, and I had just found out I was pregnant with my first child. So, to say I needed this agent to give me some good news was an understatement.
When the day finally came, I opened my mailbox and saw a large manilla envelope from the agency. My heart fluttered in my chest as I pulled the envelope out of the mailbox. It was heavy and oddly felt like a book. Had they published it already? Wow, that was quick!
I opened the envelope and my heart sank. Inside was the original book I had sent to the agency with a kind note saying the agent had graciously declined my work. At the time, his rejection did not feel kind. He was just another person on this planet who did not see my worth or talent. Did I mention I was naive and delusional. Let's just add egotistical to that list, shall we?
Though getting that first rejection was humiliating, painful, and the hair that broke the camel's back, I am forever grateful for that kind agent's no. To begin with, he didn't have to spend the postage to send my book back to me. He could have just done what so many other people would have done in that moment, filed my novel into the circular filing cabinet, but he didn't trash my book. He sent it back to me, and he actually took the time to write me a gentle letter of rejection. I wish I would have kept that first rejection letter, but it was a painful reminder of just how low my life had sunk. So, I chucked it, and ripped it into shreds for good measure. Not my finest hour.
Twelve years later, I am now a junior literary agent, have completed eleven novels, and am currently halfway through my twelfth book. Me, the girl who hadn't a clue about how this industry worked. If it hadn't been for that first no, I don't think I would have become the woman I am today. Every no shaped me into a conqueror--a gal unwilling to give up on her dream. I'm not going to lie and say I faced each rejection with dignity and grace. Far from it. I whined, complained, and ugly cried far more times than I can count. But I never gave up. I refuse to give up.
Though I still haven't made it to the big leagues, I am proud of my journey to get toward that destination. Each no made me stronger. Each rejection fueled my engine. Each doubt made me yearn for the truth. The truth that I am an author, regardless of my publication history. I am a professional, regardless of my income. And with each new no that I hear, I take a deep breath, smile and say. "No isn't the end, dear girl. It just means next opportunity."