Saturday was a rough day, y'all. I had some serious control issues going on, and it seemed like regardless of what people did for me, specifically my husband, it wasn't enough. So, when we decided to go see Venom as a family as a last hoorah with Moviepass, I was relieved. Two hours without having to think of what to do next. Hmm, maybe I'd even take a nap. No offensive to Venom fans, but I am not interested in the storyline... a symbiote alien spider thing that takes over a man and makes him eat people. (I later found out that was not a big part of the movie at all.) No thanks.
When we arrived at the movie theatre, late of course, I was already frazzled. One of the reasons we are getting rid of Moviepass is the fact that it is incredibly difficult to get everyone signed into the movie and to make sure the movie we want to see has enough seats for our brood. After helping my youngest pick his seat, it was my turn to sign into the movie, but I couldn't sign in. Too much time had elapsed, and the movie was now closed for sign ins (is that even a word?). So, there I stood, overwhelmed, irked, and done... done with everything.
I turned to the lady in charge of tickets and said, "Could you please help me out?"
"Sorry, there isn't anything I can do," she said with a tinge of irritation.
My blood boiled, but instead of unleashing the Kraken on this woman, who wasn't my enemy to begin with, I simply turned to my husband and sons and said, "Just give me the car keys and go see the movie."
"No, we'll all go home together," my husband said, in an attempt to fix the situation.
I saw my youngest son's face fall into a frown. "No, the boys are looking forward to this. Just go to the movie."
"If you can't go, then we won't go," my husband said firmly.
"Just take the boys to the movie!" My voice rose. I could feel the eyes of the movie goers on us, plus the ticket lady was getting an eyeful of the awful woman, me, and her poor husband and sons. My cheeks burned, and I had a distinct image in my head of turning on said ticket lady and asking her how she liked the show, but instead I yanked the keys from my husband's hand, stormed off toward my truck, and ignored his pleas for me to come back.
After sitting in the truck for a good minute, feeling sorry for myself, I decided to open Moviepass and find a movie to watch alone. If I was going to have to wait two hours anyway, I might as well do it in a movie theatre. I decided to see A Star is Born, and I'd only missed the first five minutes of the movie. I quickly checked in, got my ticket, and walked dejectedly toward my single seat.
The movie swiftly pulled me in with it's raw characters, themes of loss and addiction, and the burning desire to take talent and make it into a career (something I can identify with). The theatre around me blended into the background, and I immersed myself completely into this passionate story. Two people who found each other in a storm of chaos, and loved one another despite the turmoil they faced (and in some instances caused). When things fell apart, as they inevitably do in real life, my heart ached for that couple. I longed for them to fix things, to give their love another chance, but then... life happened.
Sometimes, we don't get another chance. Sometimes, we don't get to say "I'm sorry." Sometimes, people do stupid, friggin' things that silence any chance at another shot. (I won't go into that too much because I don't want to spoil the movie.) I walked out of that theatre entirely shook, and the first person I saw was my husband. My husband... with his crooked smile and gray beard. My husband... the man who loves me at my worst. When I saw him waiting for me, I was reminded of just how lucky I am to be loved by such a gentle and loyal soul. I walked up to him, tears brimming my eyes, and apologized.
He pulled me into one of his enveloping embraces, the kind that make me feel like he can put all of my broken pieces back together again. (Often, he can.) Then, he kissed the top of my head and said three of the best words I'd heard all day, "Let's go home."
Saturday was a rough day. I made a lot of mistakes. I tried to control the uncontrollable. I lost a battle with my self-control. And yet... And yet, my husband still loves me. And yet, my boys had an amazing time watching Venom. And yet, I am alive and able to try again. And that, in itself, is incredible.